Gimp News

Sexy Bitches Strip for Ryanair calendar

2011-11-04T19:41:00.000-07:00

Now we all saw the recent news headlines with the Cathay Pacific flight attendant sucking the pilots dick in the cockpit. Unfortunately for that Captain who's knob was rather clean, the jealous Swire management had to sack the poor guy for this disgraceful act. I mean it's okay for Cathay to cargo price fix with other airlines and be finned millions of euros, but one little blow job in the cruise? That's a big no no!

Moving on to my next story, Ryanair are doing some soft porn for charity! With their annual Girls of Ryan Air Calender. NICE WORK! With any luck you'll soon be able to buy your own inflight blow job on Ryanair flights. You have to pay for everything else just add "hummers" to the list I say.

Tim Shadey
Grand Master Gimp

GimpNews.Net

Sex sells. That’s what Ryanair have realised over the years as they launch their fourth annual ‘The Girls of Ryanair’ calendar.

The Ryanair flight attendants have stripped off their uniforms and are giving customs a little extra ‘in-flight entertainment’, all in the name of charity.

Ryanair claim that the calendar is the ‘sexiest ever’, featuring 13 cabin crew stunners in swimwear and lingerie.

Proceeds from the calendar will go to DEBRA, which provides support for patients suffering from epidermolysis bullosa (EB), a genetic skin condition, and hopes to raise around £85,000.

Ryanair’s Stephen McNamara, head of communications, said: “Ryanair’s gorgeous cabin crew are pleased to once again strip off for charity and this year they have selected DEBRA who help children born with skin so fragile they are affectionately referred to as ‘Butterfly Children’.

“We hope that the 2012 Charity Calendar will raise up to £85,000 to help DEBRA bring 50 children and their families on a once in a lifetime holiday to Malaga where they are provided with professional care and assistance by the DEBRA team to ensure an unforgettable family holiday.”

The calendar looks to bring the total raised by Ryanair’s cabin crew to £430,000 since the first calendar was published in 2008.

Would you ever strip off for a charity or a good cause? How about to fund your gap year and travelling?

The calendar costs £8.50 and can be purchased on board Ryanair flights, from DEBRA’s charity shops in Ireland and Spain, or on the Ryanair website.

China Gimp Bike For Freaks

2011-11-04T19:29:00.000-07:00

A Chinese man made a bicycle with the front wheel more than five feet high "just for fun".

Zhang Lianjun, of Tangshan, Hebei Province, spent about £1,800 creating the unusual bike.

It also features a huge lamp, a loud horn and four tiny rear wheels.

The original plan was to use a seven feet high tractor wheel but it was to too high and heavy to ride.

So he decided instead to build it with a slightly smaller front wheel which he got from a shovel loader.

"Although the tyres vary greatly in size, it's actually very safe and comfortable to ride," claimed Zhang. Source

I think Jackie Chan will have legs the size of an elephant after he peddles that thing round china for a few weeks. If it's so safe and stable then why does Confucius have to stand there and help hold you up Zhang?

Tim Shadey

Grand Master Gimp

GimpNews.Net

Carlsberg Bikers Cinema Advertisement

2011-11-03T21:37:00.000-07:00

How tollerant are you to people from all walks of life? I mean these scary crowd of bikers could have been from a more reformed Christian biker group out watching the Wizard Of Oz.

So here's the challenge ... do you think you would have sat down smack bang in the middle of these hard looking dudes? A cinema packed with a 148 bikers and only two seats left? Probably not.

It's a great test of judgement but I think most people would feel fairly uneasy. Even us harshly abused Gimps fear the wrath of a tanked up biker gang looking to get their freak on with some gimp action.

This advertisement is soooooo cool it gets a double high five from Gimp News. AWESOME!

Tim Shadey

Grand Master Gimp

GimpNews.Net

Music For One Apartment And Six Drummers

2011-11-03T18:42:00.000-07:00

Six drummers participate in a well planned musical attack in the suburbs. As an elderly couple leave their apartment the drummers take over. On everyday objects they give a concert in four movements: Kitchen, Bedroom, Bathroom and Living room.

It's a Swedish short film about a group of six crazy percussionists, who invade an apartment and make astounding music with simple household objects.

The film originally premiered at the 2001 Cannes Film Festival and has won over 30 international awards.

I was a bit disappointed that no chainsaws or dildos made the cut into this industrial track of boredom. The crack of a leather whip on a fat woman's ass would also make a nice, crisp snare drum sound. You could also make Madonna erotica themed track, with some bitches moaning while they get double teamed in the background.

Good work though, up there for thinking and down there for dancing as they say in the trade.

Tim Shadey

Grand Master Gimp

GimpNews.Net

Music For One Apartment And Six Drummers from Mister Magnus on Vimeo.

How To Escape From Hand Cuffs

2011-11-03T08:04:00.000-07:00

Being a Master of Gimpness I find myself locked up in peoples dungeons at all hours of the night, being slapped in the face by dildos while fat wife swappers get their kicks. Now it all looks cool on YouPorn and so forth, but after a while you get sick of the same old Gimp routine and you just need to bust out of a situation and hit the highway.

Now the video says do not use these techniques to escape law enforcement, that's just some lame attempt on behalf of the youtuber to avoid being harassed by the smokies (cops). Personally I would learn these techniques for two reasons. One, if you get caught up in some hill billy sex game and need to high tail it then you'll need to get out of the cuffs, so pay attention. Two, if you're a powder party boy and you've just been busted blazing fat trails with super models in a club toilet then you're probably going to go to jail, so also pay attention and learn to get the fuck out of dodge.

Enjoy the video's - when in trouble always run & always deny! Gimp Advice 101

Tim Shadey

Grand Master Gimp

GimpNews.Net

Plastic Cuffs

Amazing Dubstep Dancer Is Back

2011-11-03T07:42:00.000-07:00

Dubstep is a genre of electronic dance music that originated in south London, England. Its overall sound has been described as "tightly coiled productions with overwhelming bass lines and reverberant drum patterns, clipped samples, and occasional vocals".^{Thanks Wankmepedia}

Now we featured Madd Chadd a few days ago and now this nigger turns up getting his freak on like some crazy ass meth head with ants in his pants. Dude this guy has got some fluid moves and he'd pull a crowd even at a funeral. Check Check Check it ..

Tim Shadey
Grand Master Gimp

GimpNews.Net

Second Tibetan Nun Sets Herself On Fire

2011-11-03T07:26:00.000-07:00

Setting yourself on fire is all the rage in Tibet this week. The Xinhua news agency have reported that this is the 11th such incident this year.

These hard core chicks are protesting against religious repression. The nun, Qiu Xiang, set herself alight about 1pm (4pm AEDT) in Dawu county in a Tibetan region of Sichuan province, Xinhua said.

The Sichuan province of China is well known for it's spicy hot "Shichuan Food" ... I guess they can now add hot nuns to that famous list of credentials.

I'd personally go on some type of a drinking bender and start dancing on a pole in protest of the repression, bit of a chicken when it comes to dowsing my self in petrol then hitting the go switch.

Tim Shadey

Grand Master Gimp

GimpNews.Net

Derren Bown Mind Control The Assasin

2011-10-30T08:07:00.000-07:00

With the freedom of information act in America in full swing, some interesting 20,000 old reports have been released by the CIA namely the MK Ultra mind control experiments from the 1950's.

MK Ultra was an illegal CIA human experimentation program which ran for almost ten years under complete secrecy.

During this period numerous Canadian & US Citizens were exposed to methodologies to manipulate individual mental states and alter brain functions, including the surreptitious administration of drugs and other chemicals, hypnosis, sensory deprivation, isolation, verbal and sexual abuse, as well as various forms of torture.

So the question you're asking is, is it real? Does mind control actually work and could it be used to covertly train an unsuspecting subject into commiting an unthinkable act like an assassination attempt?

Derren Brown the world renown mentalist will have you on the edge of your seat when he starts to manipulate an innocent member of the audience into committing the ultimate crime - The Assassination.

Derren if you're reading this, we would really like to put your skills to the test. We have a room full of ugly fat guys hoping to get laid by super models. We're going to hire the models and you're going to do the mind controlling and with any luck it will be a happy ending for the team here at Gimp News.

Call us on 1800GIMP and lets set this up.

Tim Shadey

Grand Master Gimp

GimpNews.Net

The Bird | Live Dubstep Sessions: Drain

2011-10-30T06:59:00.000-07:00

Check out this white gringo out hitting the skins in Byronious Bay Australia! Dude he is on some serious fire and he gets a double thumbs up from Tommy Lee for beat popping skills.

The Bird DubStep Sessions

GimpNews.Net

Madd Chadd Busting Out The Robot

2011-10-30T05:08:00.000-07:00

Players & Haters, there are a few great moves that just look the business when they are busted out in the right way and Madd Chadd from YouTube has got "The Robot" played out like a boss.

The Robot dance move dates back to 1967, it's a dance move featuring abrupt stops that recreate the motors starting and stopping that drive the robot.

In September of 2009, the largest robot dance in the world was broken by the Robogals at Melbourne university in Australia. Their robot dance consisted of 318 members that played out the robot in unison, breaking the previous 276 people record.

Check out Madd Chadd in New York cutting the rug with his best robot moves. Even the brothers are giving Chadd some street cred for his efforts. High Five From the Gimp News Crew Madd Chadd!

Tim Shadey

Grand Master Gimp

GimpNews.Net

Skydiving Sex Stunt un-censored version!

2011-10-29T23:48:00.000-07:00

A French-Canadian porn star took his career to new heights when he videotaped himself having sex while skydiving with the receptionist of the skydiving company where he moonlighted as a part-time instructor.
Alex Torres aka "Voodoo" has since been fired from Skydive Taft, but no termination decision has been made about his fellow Mile High Club member Hope Howell.

The award-winning pornographic actor (who was born Alexandre Boisvert) was trying to get the attention of Howard Stern.

The video shows them screwing in the plane on the way to the jump-spot, as they jumped out together, and STILL having sex as they soared through midair upon pulling the ripcord and deploying the parachute. Epic! But now the Federal Airline Administration is investigating...

FAA spokesman Ian Gregor says any activity that could distract the pilot while he's flying could be a violation of federal regulations. Skydive Taft owner David Chrouch says he fired part-time skydiving instructor and porn star Alex Torres and hasn't decided whether to fire the company's receptionist, Hope Howell, who he said was Torres' partner in the video.

Authorities say Torres had posted the video on his blog but removed it on Monday. Chrouch said he found out about the stunt when a Taft police officer told him that the video was making the rounds at a local school. Taft police Lt. Ed Whiting told KGET-TV that no criminal charges are pending.

At one point in the video the couple is shown seated in a jump seat right next to the pilot. "No I wasn't concerned," Chrouch told KGET. "He was in complete control of the plane at all times. I mean he looked back a couple of times. The same thing he does if there are other skydivers in the plane. He is going to look back, he's going to look around to see what everyone is doing." Source MSNBC

The bitch in the video would have needed a serious lube up before she jumped out of that plane, other wise her piss flaps would have dried out in the 200mph wind!

Tim Shadey
Grand Master Gimp

GimpNews.Net

Man Will Masturbate In Every Starbucks In New York City

2011-10-29T18:17:00.000-07:00

What's the worst coffee in the coffee on the planet? Starbucks! It's so bad that in Australia 70% of the Starbucks outlets closed.

So what went wrong in Australia? Australians can't be that harsh can they? Starbucks didn’t understand how serious the Aussies take their coffee drinking. The coffee giant didn’t understand local customs and its target market, instead trying to impose its cookie-cutter American business model on Aussies. When "StarSucks" made its Australian debut in 2000, a thriving urban cafe culture was already in place that made exceptional coffee.

The Aussies voted with their feet to let the world now how bad this coffee is, but now there is another man who is willing to vote with his dick!

A man in New York has made it his personal mission to masturbate in every Starbucks in New York City. This guy is going to have sore hands because he needs to wank his way through 298 stores to achieve his goal of defiling and rating every Starbucks toilet.

Mr Pee Pee has been tweeting his progress since December of last year and he likes to rate the overall experience of his Starbucks masturbation.

"Today's Starbucks visit is rated as a 4 Boner. Spacious, clean, excellent coffee, strong wifi, no interruptions & 1 hot chick."

In a world gone mad where terrible coffee is peddled on every street corner, the Gimp News Crew feel that Mr Pee Pee has found a great use for these abundant little venues. You've had a hard day at work the NASDAQ aint doing so well - why not use their wifi, fire up some YouPorn and go rip one out at Starbucks!

Tim Shadey

Grand Master Gimp

GimpNews.Net

Rock Star Teenager Scams Ebay

2011-10-28T09:57:00.000-07:00

14 year old ozzy gangster masterminds a simple yet clever Ebay scam that nets him over $200,000. Kid splashes out on pimping holidays and bitch ass parties for his crew!

This little mother fucking genius funded his playboy lifestyle by selling fictitious products on Ebay for the past 5 years - at one point he was earning up to $6000 a day from this gutsy heist! Gidy Up Dawg!

The 14 year old, or as we like to call him "little gangster" went bananas with the cash and was living like a king, flying all over Australia and throwing some seriously dope parties for him and his friends.

Little gangster wasn't a tight ass with the cash either he was sharing the love and dishing out pampering sessions for the bitches and new threads for his crew. Imagine the kudos this kid must have had puling this one off!

But like all awesome things they must come to an end, and guess who found out? MUM! Did!

Mums now suing the banks for their role in the heist, alleging that they participated in the act by giving her son dozens of bank accounts and debit cards without reasonable scrutiny. Gimp News thinks mum sucks ass and she's a total fun killer, we want to gimp her and lock her in our dungeon and make her listen to Phil Collins all day.

It's said that little gangsters mother contacted, teachers, principles, counselors, limousine companies, hotels and various securities commissions in an effort to help her son. Fun killing mum is also demanding an apology from the banks for their alleged roll in the system.

Mum you suck, you get a serious Gimp rating for that one - Little Gangster you are a mother fucking genius! I wish I went to school with a kid like you. When you finish school do a law degree, that way you can extort people of money and not go to Jail!

Tim Shadey.

Grand Master Gimp

GimpNews.Net

Rocket Launcher Cambodia

2011-05-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

Holiday in Cambodia where the people dress in black! Remember that old tune from The Dead Kennedy's? well in Cambodia the military lets you shoot RPG's at a cow. You can also shoot pigs and ducks with your choice of weapons including a grenade. To shoot a cow with a rocket launcher costs: $100 American for the rocket, $300 to buy the cow and an extra $100 for a hundred rounds with a K-57 Russian Machine gun (in case you miss the cow with the rocket launcher).

The shooting ranges are fairly common knowledge around the hostel culture in Phnom Pen. All you have to do is ask to go to the shooting range and pay someone for a day of driving you around on a scooter. Usually people try to convince you to go to the shooting range after you see the killing fields.... COOL!

Stop gimping it in shopping malls with your bitch, grow some balls buy an airline ticket to Cambodia and start shooting shit!

Tim Shadey

Grand Master Gimp

GimpNews.Net